Who pays for the wedding and what do they pay for? Let’s find out what tradition says and what the bride and groom want.
The question who pays for the wedding is really tricky, yet it is very important information.
The bride and groom need this information to set the budget. There are those who stick to tradition and those who take a more modern view of the question.
The fact remains that this information must be defined right from the start of the wedding planning and it is necessary to be very clear and precise about the details so that there are no surprises at the end.
Who pays for the wedding in accordance with tradition.
The reception is one of the biggest expenses of the whole wedding, especially when there are many guests and a prestigious location is chosen.
According to tradition, the wedding reception, including venue, food and drinks, must be paid for by the bride’s family.
The groom’s family, on the other hand, again according to tradition, must provide for the home of the bride and groom-to-be.
Who pays for the wedding: modern times.
Times change and with them traditions also undergo changes.
Today, in fact, as weddings have, in some cases, high costs, the expense is divided among the families.
There are those who say that wedding costs should be paid by the bride and groom, especially if they have already been living together for some time.
I say that ‘wedding is still a wedding and it is a magical moment made of many things: tradition, modernity, organization, costs, dreams, wishes, but above all love and family’.
The question of, who pays for what, can easily be solved with a nice family reunion.
Let’s see how…
How to organize and establish who pays for the wedding.
Unless you come from a family that values tradition and wants to pay for the wedding reception, we need to find a solution.
First of all, it is important for me to tell you how important it is for you to know if someone will pay for the wedding reception or part of it.
This is not to be indelicate or venal, but this information will allow you to manage the whole organisation, so don’t be ashamed and ask clearly.
Talk to the families and ask who pays for the wedding
If the families want to share in the wedding costs, it is better that they “speak now or forever hold their peace”.
You should be very honest and say to what extent you can financially expose yourself.
Even the grandmother, if she wants to buy her granddaughter a wedding dress, should be kind enough to say so and also say what budget she wants to be within.
I know you are thinking right now that all this is bad because it sounds more like a business plan for a company rather than a wedding..but dear my bride-to-be, you will thank me for these tips.
Planning a wedding is like starting a start-up
Planning, done right, a wedding is just like starting a start-up.
You need a business plan, investment projections, assumed and actual costs, the right suppliers, and even a dose of luck!
Noooo, I don’t want to crush your romantic dreams, there will also come the beautiful and dreamy romantic part, but to get it you have to go through the hard truth (which is what I am telling you).
What do you think a real wedding planner does?
Does she tie bows to chairs and light candles on tables? No, no and again no!.
We manage budgets, we work miracles with suppliers, we share costs, we make sure you pay the right price for everything and we make sure that with the money you have you get the best wedding possible.
Then it is true that in all this, we get emotional, have butterflies in our stomachs and cry during the ceremony; but that is another matter.
Back to your budget….
Whoever pays for the wedding must be honest
Since we realized that to get off to a good start, we need to know how much money you really have, here’s some advice:
Talk to your families (perhaps separately so as not to cause embarrassment); explain to them that you are willing to pay for the whole ceremony yourself but that if it is their intention to help you in any way you need to know this very clearly.
Tell them what I have told you; explain that for a perfect outcome of this special day, you need to know how much you can spend.
In order not to be a bad person, explain to your relatives that no matter how big or small their contribution is, everyone participates according to what they can and want to give; but make it clear to them that it is important that they tell you.
I really suggest that you talk to family members separately so as to be discreet and not turn this into a vegetable market negotiation.
If you do everything right, you will eventually have a very defined budget within which you know you can move.
What to do with the budget?
Once you have this figure, you have to be good enough to manage it so that you get the most out of what you have.
Beware: having the most does not mean asking for discounts, too low a price almost always means poor quality.
Aim for the things that are really important to you and spend on quality!
If you are planning a wedding in Italy or a destination wedding away from home, make sure you know everything you really need.
I recommend making a list and putting everything on it!
On wedding costs in Italy we have talked about it HERE take a look, it will help you understand several things and important dynamics.
Now a bonus!
I know very well how difficult it can be to have no idea what you can afford with the money you have (because, let’s be honest, newlyweds don’t know what they can afford, at least not at the beginning).
I leave below (click the button) a catalogue/guide that will help you get an overview of your options, you can ask for quotes and get an idea or you can contact me and my agency to see how we can optimise your budget.
The fact is that I offer you a starting point to organise a perfect wedding in Italy with minimum stress!